Anxiety

Some days are bad. Today, for instance, might probably be a good example of that. I don't really want to go into detail, but let's just say it's been a rough day, and there's been a lot of sucky stuff happening. Things like video recording for a major assignment that hasn't worked, tears that shouldn't be slipping out falling down my face while I'm trying to coral children, and just a lot of nervous anxiety. I've been crying a lot lately due to things making me scared and anxious all the time, because I feel like I'm under so much scrutiny and I'm doing a horrible job of everything because there aren't enough hours in the week to do anything well. I just feel exhausted and on edge around the clock these days. I've been falling to pieces right and left; the truth is that I have been crying most of the way to school and all the way home from the moment I get back in the car and into late in the evening.

I'm so sick of being afraid of people; I'm so exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally from being scrutinized by others, and I just don't know how I'm going to make it through this round of student teaching. Fall Break seems like an eternity from now, even though it's only a month. Honestly, the only time in the entire week that I feel at peace is the three hours I spend in church on Sunday mornings. Those are the miraculous three hours when I feel at ease, I feel others' kindness, the only time in the week that I really feel taken care of. Being an adult on your own sucks.